Just to confirm, yes I am single. I’m confident to say by choice. Maybe that sounds, arrogant, but its the truth. I’ve personally had to end something that was potentially life changing for the future to be single? Why? Because I feel when I’m single, at least right now at 26 years of age, I’m more motivated, more interesting and generally have a more exciting life. This doesn’t mean, I don’t know what love is, nor regret decisions I’ve made, nor do I long for a certain someone to my partner. I just have created a mentality and way of living never to be get too reliant and always to be independent.
For me, there are too many things to see and do in this life to be bored. So if I’m single, I’m rarely bored. I love doing things on my own. I love to read articles, I love to plan a trip, to go for a hike, to listen to music or watch a movie. The list goes on. But I think even admitting to our own status as ‘Single’ is, or at least was, seen as a error or weakness in what we are about. I remember, when I was around early 20’s, my mom’s friend said to me “ When are you going to get a girlfriend Tom?’ Almost to suggest I NEED one in my life, for me to be ever towards completing any sort of settling priorities we are made to think are a necessity in this life. A good friends, then girlfriend, now wife, asked the same question. My answer? “ I don’t want a girlfriend”. Now, most people would react with this. Especially in school, college or university, where most people who would hear you say that, would automatically think its your inability to find someone, let alone sustain any sort of permanent relationship with them.
Some people are so reliant on having a partner, they cant think or function without them. There are two sides to this I feel. One being, I feel sorry for them. To be that reliant and anxious about who the are they cannot be independent enough to find out who they are. Many people like this, don’t know the real them. Their lives are lived through a partnership. Sometimes, and especially in decades previous, this worked, people suited it, religion and society expectancy was so demanding of how life should be lived, people were almost subconsiouncly hypnotised into being like this. Some partnerships are perfect, they fit, made for each other, and it is wonderful to see I agree. Incredible. However, as time goes on, that has declined and is furthermore. Yet, the other side to the feeling of not being able to be alone, is exactly that, they most probably will never be alone. And no-one really, especially in their later years, wants to be alone right? At the end of it all, we want someone there. They will always have a sense of comfort, someone to support them, someone to turn to, someone to spoon at night, or make a plan with. There is always someone there.
In my life, I’ve had a couple long term relationships, and two very fast generally short ‘relationships’ where I was obsessively in love, for two different reasons. One, was finding someone who was me, related to everything I said, made me hysterically laugh to tears and someone I was incredibly, incredibly attracted to from the off. The second, and saying second because it came after, not because of the level of love felt, was someone who I got with on a casual basis, and found so much love for her in such a quick time for her beautiful soul and for her as a person, I couldn’t resist. She was and still is the only person I’ve ever, ever though about settling down with, seeing as my wife. And I’ve NEVER had that. That was fairly recent…
What happened? I split with her. I knew I was travelling on and realised I didn’t want to push something when I had other things in my life to explore, complete and go back to. Not saying I didn’t love her to be able to do that, I did and do. However, I have enjoyed being single for so many other reasons than it being merely about any intimacy or sex, I can take pushing on in my life, as a singleton, an independent person.
My point is, with mentioning my experiences here, is that to encourage people not to get too downhearted with being single, or recently becoming a singleton. There is so much you can do in this life. Being independent is the greatest thing. You can do what you want. You can see who you want. You make your decisions. You are not bound with being told what to do. Less complications. Less arguments. Less ‘feeling the need’ to do that. Less worry. The only concern is you. And we are all individuals. We have a right to be selfish in this world, with some things anyway.
Do you really think all couples are happy anyway? Honestly, the amount of couples I see, you can figure out from the start. They both go searching for a night out at a restaurant, looking for something to make themselves feel better by. To get dressed up for one another, to look good for viewers, to give the impression of a loving, happy couple. More couples than you think out there are only with each other for practical reasons. Some fear they can’t get anyone else, some for wealth reasons, some for the ‘they’ll do’ mentality, some just because neither complain as they can’t be bothered worrying. There are of course, some couples are awesome. The ones that are naturally together, they laugh and complete each other. The old romantics, the ones together through the tough times from the beginning. The ones that ‘bounce’ off each other, compliment each other in everyway. Most of it comes to connection, personality and a little bit of the spark that is ever electrified when they first meet. This is what you should be envious of. But honestly, its quite rare given what I’ve seen and see. Nowadays anyway. More distractions and more confidence in one another to jump ship, cheat or leave. No-one is exempt nowadays.
So before you start thinking ‘ I NEED a girlfriend’, or write a status about being Single on social network sites, realise that being single could be the best times of your life. Do the things you enjoy! Work, study? Great, always have a plan to do something afterwards. Watch a movie, play a computer game, cook some food, play soccer, start a new hobby, go see a mate, even just go on a casual date nothing serious intended! Don’t think “I need a partner”. If you find one however, and its awesome, then that is awesome. But don’t stay with someone because of any fears. Don’t get with someone just because your mates are, or people older than you unfortunately don’t know any other way, that was just their generation, not yours. Its 2014, times have changed, being single is awesome, live in the moment and enjoy what freedom you have. Everything else will come naturally.
It’s worked for me, I love to travel on my own accord. So where am I right now? South America.